


I Know You'll Fly High in Your Life

by blingyeol



Category: SHINee
Genre: Drama, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-debut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-16
Updated: 2011-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blingyeol/pseuds/blingyeol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know you'll fly high. And if not, I'm going to catch you when you fall." Jonghyun is a saviour in Jinki's eyes and their short childhood friendship creates a base for a blooming love. Fate plays dirty tricks on them though, Jonghyun has a boyfriend and they are all to debut together. How can they solve such a situation?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter could be a one-shot and to be quite honest I very much wish it was because I feel like I've ruined it with the following chapters OTL Either way I'm posting this old fic of mine since I don't want this account to be too empty and I've already discarded many others xD

No matter how much he hated to admit it, this was the end. The train has reached its destination and it wasn't one he has wished for. It was like stopping half-way, knowing that there aren't any continuing lines to pick up. Everyone went through such a feeling at some point of their lives. But not everyone could smile it off and continue. Jinki could. At least that's how he's been his whole life. Smiling when he really wanted to cry deep inside. 

This time, however, smiling hurt more then crying. And so he cried. Locking himself up in his attic room, turning off the lights so that no one could see this momentarily weakness of his. Hardly anyone knew, but Jinki used to cry a lot. At least more then anyone would expect. He just never showed anyone. Happiness was to be showed off, sadness was to be embarrased about. 

It felt like whole sky fell down on his head, and all that thanks to one piece of paper. He wasn't accepted at the audition. It was his first one, so it was kind of to be expected. Jinki knew too well that there were tons of famous singers that had to try many times at different entertainment companies. But his situation didn't allow for that.

„Hey Jin-ah!“ The called one turned around to see a tall boy smiling and running towards him. Although he was wearing a suit, he looked more like a student than a teacher that he's been. 

„You're later then usual, professor.“ 

„While you're perfectly on time.“ A short pause in which the dark eyes were inspecting Jinki's rather awkward smile. „You didn't get in, did you?“ Jinki slowly shook his head and hid his teeth in a bittersweet smirk. 

„And so I have a favor to ask. I'm kind of failing Math and if I want to succesfully pass to the senior high school, I'd need some help, so if-“ 

„Of course that I'll help you. After I see you sign contract with an entertainment, that is. How can you give up this easily, Jinki?“ The teacher's voice didn't have a bit of surprise in it though. 

„You know that too well, professor,“ Jinki said, averting his eyes and slowing down in walking. Professor Choi sighed and then raised a hand to pat the boy on his pitch-black hair. 

„Next time you'll come over to my place, I'll introduce you to Minho. You know, that younger brother of mine that you always hear about. He'll beat some sense into you, just wait.“ Saying that, he once again patted him and left the student behind. 

There won't be any next time. No way he can continue pursuing his dream, now it's time to get back to reality, start studying and preparing for a future that has a meaning.

 

It was late January already and his last year in middle school was coming to an end. In his dreams, this was supposed to be the time he'd pass the audition and have different worries then his terrible marks in Math. Instead of spending the day practising hard until he'd be all sweaty and tired, he was sitting behind the desk and staring into the sunny sky that was distracting him.

The door bell was a pleasant interruption and as soon as he heard it, he ran to the door before his parents could get there.

„Hey hyung! Came to pick you up for the festival!“ Cheerful chubby-cheeked boy uncovered his teeth in a charming smile.

„Taemin-ah, I'm sorry, but those ugly little numbers in my textbook won't let me go.“

„Ah, come on, you still have a month to go and besides you can't miss the festival! We gotta see our competition, right?“ Taemin opposed, using his puppy eyes and overly cute smile again.

It's true that he's always liked the festivals. There were so many talented singers and dancers from the schools of almost whole country and he's always watched them thinking _I'll be standing on that stage one day_. But right now, when he knew that dream has been crushed, Jinki didn't feel like even thinking about that anymore.

„Maybe next time, when my grades in Math go up and when there won't be a possibility that my parents would hunt you through whole neighbourhood because you've had a bad influence on me.“

„Oh you think they would?“ a short surprised face was quickly changed back into the smiling one. „Just wait a second.“ Without asking, the younger boy entered the house, confidently walked through the hall and into the living room. Jinki followed him with his eyes only, too shocked to do more. Then he could hear his classmate talking to his parents.

„I'm sorry to bother, but I'm Lee Taemin, from the same school as Jinki, just a few years younger. However I've always been good in Math and when I heard that my friend's grades dropped, I've decided to take responsibility and help him out a bit. If you don't have anything against it, we'll go to the library for a while now.“

After just a few minutes, they were already walking through the streets, cold wind blowing from behind them and sun shining into their happy faces. Taemin was so young compared to Jinki, yet sometimes he seemed so mature and resolute. Sometimes, mostly in times like these, he was a bit jealous of him.

The gym always seemed to be smaller when so many people were gathered in. A small stage grew on the further side, lights were on and curtains closed, so it looked perfectly like a small club. Jinki sat next to Taemin, whose face was all bright and that made him smile even though he felt like crying. Somewhere among the people he saw professor Choi and the thin handsome boy next to him must have been Minho. He remembered sitting like this just a year ago and being all excited. He remembered the talented boy that danced to girl songs and looked dazzling. He remembered trying to dance to the songs that the boy from Daegu performed and failing miserably, but still laughing about it. And now he was just sitting here, being sure that nothing of today's performances will make him as enthusiastic and happy.

But he was wrong. A rock band got up onto the stage first. They all looked very young but confident. And then the boy started singing and Jinki was taken aback by his voice. He saw a lot of talented kids, but none of them were this good. It wasn't just the talent, but also the charismatic gazes and confident poses he showed off. The boy couldn't be much older then him, yet he seemed like a professional, while Jinki felt like a talentless fan staring at his idol.

For those three minutes, he forgot about all his troubles. For those three minutes, he believed he'll be standing on that stage one day. Next to that shining boy. 

 

„And his eyes, did you see how cute they were?“ 

„Don't forget the nose, it was so a-do-ra-ble!“ 

Walking past high school girls chattering, waving their hands and grinning, Jinki was torn between the urge to speed up so that he won't hear them anymore and the urge to join them. Kim Jonghyun and his band left behind a sensation that no one else ever did. Not even the charismatic dancer that won last year. 

All the way to the school gate he could hear girls giggling and saying the same words all over again. Taemin came up to meet him on his way home and he looked just as excited as all the fangirls around. 

„This sure is amazing, all school is talking about nothing else then them! Oh and I almost forgot, professor Choi gave me this for you.“ 

Jinki took the piece of paper, his sight falling onto the scribbly handwriting and read the simple information that was stated there. A name and an address where that person is currently staying. 

 

Lee Jinki felt even more like a fangirl when he stood up in front of the college dorms, where all festival contestants were staying this week. All the way here tons of words he'd like to say appeared in his mind. But when Kim Jonghyun opened the door and looked at him in surprise, he awkwardly handed over a chocolate box without saying anything. 

„Oh, thanks, but-“ The shorter boy obviously didn't know what to say either. 

„Your performance was really good. I just wanted to say that and mom forced me to give this to you, so...“ 

„All right, so, thanks. Thanks, I appreciate it.“ An awkward silence grew between them. 

„I wish you luck in the future. I'm sure you'll be famous one day.“ Jinki turned around, but before he made a first step, Jonghyun stopped him. 

„Wait, aren't you Jinki? Lee Jinki?“ 

Now it was him who was utterly surprised. „How do you know?“ 

„So it's really you? I've heard about you from Minho, Choi Minho. His brother and my sister are friends, they went to the same university. And so I happened to hear about you and your talent. You tried entertainment auditions this year, didn't you?“ 

„Uhm yeah, but didn't get in,“ the pleasant feeling that Kim Jonghyun knows who he is was beaten by that miserable one again. 

„Next one to hold up auditions around here is JYP, right? Have you signed up yet?“ 

Jinki sighed. „No, I'm not trying it.“ 

„Why?“ The shorter boy's eyes truly resembled that of a dog's, especially when he made that cute surprised face of his. 

„It's complicated, but I just can't. But I wish you luck,“ Jinki repeated and smiled, his eyes almost closed. Jonghyun watched him for a while, his face not telling out what he's thinking about. 

„Wanna sing together?“ 

As much as their talking was awkward at the beginning, their singing was a completely different story. They sat on the beds oppossite each other, Jonghyun held a guitar and started playing a simple melody on it. They both tapped feet to the rhytm, smiling at each other and nodding their heads. Then Jonghyun let out his dazzling voice, making Jinki want to sing along with him with all his heart. And when he did, he would close his eyes and listen to their joined voices. Like that he wouldn't notice Jonghyun's feet that stopped tapping nor his eyes that gazed at the boy sitting right in front of him. Just like Jinki was drawn to the shorter boy's voice, the latter loved what he was hearing just as much. And finally they would realize their voices somehow match really well. 

There was so much he wanted to say, but exactly because of that he ended up saying nothing of his deep inner feelings.

„Do you like the song?“ 

„Yeah. Soulstar aren't that popular and this is probably their only good song, but it's melodic and good for practising playing guitar,“ Jonghyun put off the instrument and gently tapped it. „You see, I can't play very well, so I'm learning from my bandmates.“ 

The awkward silence returned, but this time it was filled with some strange atmosphere of untold feelings. Jinki wanted to shout out at the boy how much he loves his singing and how he enjoyed singing with him, but everytime he imagined saying those words, he would feel embarassed. 

Finally it was Jonghyun who spoke again. „So will you tell me why you're not going to try any auditions? You've got the talent if you ask me.“ 

Jinki sighed. The only person who knew about his inner thoughts and reasons was professor Choi Minseok and that was just because he was one hell of a curious and importunate person. Jonghyun wasn't half as persistent, yet he somehow gave him an encouraging feeling. 

„First of all, I can't dissapoint my parents. They expect me to graduate with outstanding marks and since I'm an only child, I understand that. If I'll continue chasing after auditions, I won't have enough time to study and I might fail. I simply can't allow that.“ He paused for a while, sorting out thoughts in his head. As he watched Jonghyun's expression, which was something between slight surprise and disbelief, he suddenly felt as if the words he's saying don't make any sense. 

„Well did you try asking them?“ This single sentence turned his beliefs upside down. 

„No, I didn't.“ 

„Try it. Maybe they'll understand. Or sing something to them, I bet your voice will melt down their hearts,“ Jonghyun replied, shaking his hair to the side with a smile playing on his face. „And if not, we'll think about something.“ 

That made Jinki smile in return. He has already heard similar encouraging, helpful words from his beloved professor, but they never had this much meaning. While on his way back home, he wondered why. What was it so special about this boy he's known only for about half an hour, that gave him strenght and support he needed? Maybe it was his wonderful voice, his enthusiasm when he talked about becoming a singer or maybe his friendly way of talking that made it feel like they've always been childhood friends. 

 

The argue that night was the worst he's been through. His parents never argued and he only heard them shouting when it was something he has done. But it was always just his mother, while his father was usually the one giving him secret looks and smiles behind her back. Now it was him who stood up in front of the boy and talked down to him with raised voice.

„This isn't something you should be thinking about a month before your final exams, Lee Jinki. I thought you're already a grown up boy. You should realize that time for playing has already passed. Get a grab of yourself and concentrate on studying like all the other kids for goodness' sake.“ 

_Time for playing has already passed._ So that's what his parents thought he was doing all the time. Playing. When he sang his voice out, when he danced and twisted his wrist, it was all just fun. Because he was always laughing when they asked him why is he practising so hard, they might have overlooked the fact that he's been serious all these years. He was the one who stopped playing years before his classmates did. But he was also the only one knowing and understanding that.

Or well not the only one after all. Now there was one more person who'd get furious and hurt over those words. 

„ _Playing_?! How can they call it playing?!“ Jonghyun has been repeating the same word for half of their way from school. He looked deeply insulted and Jinki, to his deepest surprise, found himself being amused over that.

„Well if you look at it from their point of view, all this screaming and jumping over the room probably does look like playing.“

„Screaming and jumping, you're not -“ Jonghyun looked at the arising smile on Jinki's face. „Ah you're making fun of me, you-!“ He slapped Jinki over his back, both of them laughing together. 

„Didn't you say you'll think of something if this fails, mastermind?“ It hasn't been a day since the two of them met, but for Jinki it felt like finding a long lost friend and using old jokes together with him.

„That's right. And I already have something,“ Jonghyun stopped walking to start searching in his backpack. Finally he took out a folded light pink coloured paper and sticked it in front of Jinki's face. „This. A perfect solution for both you and your parents, don't you think?“ 

„SM Academy? Such a thing exists?“ Jinki took the invitation paper from Jonghyun and started to examine it in detail. It looked way too perfect to be true. But when his sight came across monthy fee, he wasn't surprised anymore. He sighed and handed the miraculous paper back to Jonghyun. 

„Look, I don't think my parents would want to pay so much for something they don't agree with.“ 

Jonghyun looked really dissapointed for a second. Then, however, he quickly folded the paper and said: „It's okay. I'll come up with something better. We're gonna win this one no matter what, just wait and see!“ Although Jinki liked this attitude and the competitive sparkles that appeared in his friends eyes, he highly doubted that. 

 

Those three days passed just as fast as holidays always do. Even though it wasn't free time for Jinki, he spent every afternoon with Jonghyun, showing him around the city and singing together with him whenever they wanted. So what if people were staring at them. So what if a bunch of high schoolers passed by and laughed at them. So what if they looked funny, two boys walking, or rather jumping through the street and singing out their hearts. 

„Ah do you know this one?“ Jonghyun dramatically took his hand, put his own on the left site of his chest and sang first line of the song. Jinki knew the song, but he pretended not to. Just like that he could just listen to the beautiful voice and look into those dazzling eyes that were staring him down. 

_Just wait for me. I'm thinking about you all day._

It was fun. It was _supposed_ to be fun, Jonghyun singing out to him as if he himself was a girl. Jinki was obviously supposed to either laugh or play a role of a crying, desperate lady, but he couldn't do either of those. All he did was stand there, still holding Jonghyun's small hand and resisting the desire to squeeze it more tightly. But he wouldn't do that either. He just stood there, waiting for Jonghyun to realize there's something going wrong with this joke of his. But the younger boy just continued obstinately singing those words that were sending chills down Jinki's spine. 

He would stop as suddenly as he came up with this crazy idea. In the end they both laughed, finally averting gazes and slowly, almost hesitantly continuing to walk down the hill. They did so in silence, until they reached the visitor boy's dorms.

„Well...,“ Jonghyun started just as slowly as they were walking all this time. It was time to say goodbye, but neither of them felt like doing so. 

Jinki would have liked to say something very meaningful, something that would stay in their minds until they would eventually meet again. However he failed to do so. While still in thoughts, Jonghyun's hand patted his shoulder, the shorter boy smiled at him and waved him goodbye. 

Watching the small back getting further away from him made his brain work on full throttle. He would usually say something totally random, but he didn't want to ruin such a moment with something like that. 

„I will wait!“ 

Jonghyun turned around just before he would open the entrance door. 

„I'll wait until we meet again, on the stage, that is!“

The smile that those words brought out couldn't be erased from Jinki's mind ever since that moment. Joining him, he felt like all the pain of past week has gone away and that his faith and resolution is finally back, thanks to this short, yet beautiful relationship. 

For no particular reason he would run all the way until he reached the meat shop his parents were running. All breathless and sweaty he sat down at the table in the corner and just waved at his mother, trying to catch breath. 

„Jinki-yah, you shouldn't be tiring yourself like this,“ miss Lee worriedly sat down beside him and examined her son's face for a few seconds. Then her expression changed to a faint smile. „After all, you'll need a lot of energy for the upcoming years.“ 

„Yeah, sure, that awful Math will drain me more then some running across streets.“ 

„I didn't mean studying. I meant this.“ She passed him a familiar pink coloured paper and Jinki's eyes widened in shock.

„How do you-“ 

„That small boy, Jonghyun if I'm correct, was here this morning while you were at school. He gave us this, saying that it's a reasonable solution and that he would be happy if we could at least think it over.“ 

He wasn't able to close his wide opened mouth. Knowing too well that the younger boy changed his life like no one ever did before, this was even beyond all that. While his thoughts were all scattered and he was unable to react properly, his mother continued: „And so we did. Both me and your father talked a lot and we think you should give it a try. We both know you do have the talent, we just didn't want you to end up not finishing school and chasing after a dream that might not become true. However this academy offers education just like any other schools and on top of that vocal and dancing lessons. So it's a compromise of your wishes and ours.“ 

A tear dropped on his hands rested on the table. He was crying out of happiness. And gratitude. That stranger whom he met just four days ago was like a saint coming down from heaven and suddenly making everything work. 

He didn't even know if he properly thanked his parents, all he could remember was him running back the way he just came, eyes still wet from tears, lips curled in a smile. The one whom he really needed to thank from the bottom of the heart however wasn't there anymore. Although he didn't understand how could that happen so fast, all of the kids probably already left for the bus that's going to take them home. 

And so he pledged that he will keep the promise he gave. And once they meet out there in the world of show business, he will say what he needed to say. _Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

A light kiss on the neck woke him up. But before he could turn around to see the owner of those moisty lips that gently touched him, the person was already gone. Jonghyun looked at the clock to find out it was either way too early or way too late, depending if it was morning or afternoon. They went to bed so late last night, so he hoped it will be the latter option. However seeing how his head was aching as if it was hit, it probably wasn't.

He dressed up very roughly and went down to the living room. All of the boys were already there and all of them looked way more livelier then him. Kibum was there too. Standing by the fireplace, he turned around to give him a smiley glance before he continued sweeping the ash that was scattered all around the carpet. Jonghyun didn't dare to smile at him back, fearing others noticing. It's been two months since they've started dating but to Jonghyun it felt like years of secret meetings, checking if no one's watching them and being careful when talking about each other.

„Anyone seen my pants?“

„Maybe you've forgotten them in Kibum's bed,“ a sarcastic voice responded to the confused boy and everyone in the room laughed. Everyone except for Jonghyun. Even Kibum himself laughed it over. It's always been like this. Classmates making fun of him looking feminine. At first the bullied boy would get furious and fight. But then Jonghyun would appear, quickly becoming friends with him since they both shared the passion for music. And ever since that Kibum started to change.

„Hey, move your asses guys, my parents will be here in two hours and if they see this mess we'll never be able to use this house again.“

The auditions were getting closer and both of them were practising harder then ever. This time especially, since they knew that SM entertainment offers even bigger oportunities for them, seeing how many famous bands they've already raised up.

„You're late.“ Kibum's voice sounded harsh and the boy pouted his lips to signalize he's really pissed off by Jonghyun's tardiness.

„Sorry. Lessons took longer then usual and bandmates wanted to practise longer.“

„You should drop them.“

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow. „And exactly why would I do that? Practising with them is fun.“

„What about practising with me? If it's not fun, then just go.“ Kibum waved his hand in the direction Jonghyun came from.

The shorter boy smiled and made a few steps to be closer to him. „No it's not fun. It's something even greater then that.“ He locked lips with Kibum, eyes still opened and watched the other boy's expression clear up and lips curl into smile.

„No sleeping tonight, we have to practise through night and do our best tomorrow.“

Even though he said that, Kibum was soon dead tired and couldn't keep the promise anymore. He fell asleep on the hard floor and Jonghyun put a jacket over him, resting his own body close to the younger one's. Before falling asleep, he remembered a face that's been appearing in his dreams lately more often. The certain someone he hasn't seen for a couple of years and whom he suddenly wanted to meet again. He didn't even know if he's ever gotten into the academy that he himself suggested to the boy's parents. Whatever the case, he might find out soon. If he gets accepted tomorrow, that is. For now it all seemed more like a fantasy then reality.

To Lee Jinki, the fantasy has already changed into reality years ago and the worries about not being able to pursue his own dream were exchanged for worries about not falling asleep during lessons. The training was tough and he wasn't even a trainee yet, he was still a student at the academy, just taking the individual vocal and dance lessons.

Waking up late as usual, he ran through the main gate and to the classroom only to find out that the lesson was canceled due to the professor's presence at the auditions.

While slowly returning to the dorms, someone called out his name and short afterwards he could feel that someone cheerfully jumping on his back.

„Yo!“ Brightly smiling boy stood by his side.

„I wasn't told that lessons are cancelled. No one probably likes me,“ Jinki said with a hurt voice, but he smiled immediately after.

„I do,“ Taemin objected and Jinki ruffled his hair.

„So it's auditions time again? It doesn't seem that long since you went through them.“

„So true. But it's gonna be fun this time. Do you remember that diva boy who won the festival year before Kim Jonghyun?“ Taemin's eyes were sparkling with excitement as he was informing him about it. Jinki noded. „He's here. I've heard from someone who apparently remembers him too. And that's not all“ The boy paused as if he'd want to make it more dramatic and then added: „Jonghyun is here too.“

„Kim Jonghyun?“ Even though it couldn't have been any other Jonghyun, he felt as if he needs to be completely sure. Suddenly all his sleepiness went away and Jinki felt like happily running through the streets like back then when Jonghyun was with him.

„Going to see them?“

„Do I need to answer?“ Jinki's smile reflected onto Taemin's face and the two of them cheerfully headed to the centre of the campus, where more talents were being sought right now.

It wasn't as crouded as last year when the younger boy got in, but there were still way more girls then boys, just like every time. And among them, still as charismatic and now even more mature and resolute was him.

„Yah! How come you're in the same city as me and didn't even tell me!“

Jonghyun turned around, his puzzled face quickly changing into a pleasantly surprised one. „Because that's not what we promised, remember? We said to meet in the show business and I haven't been accepted yet.“

Jinki frowned and responded with a serious face: „Okay, then hurry up and get accepted so that we can talk. When's your turn?“

The shorter boy grinned. „Right now. My friend's coming out already.“

To Jinki's utter suprise, Jonghyun waved at the mentioned diva boy and they both stood side by side, staring at him.

„This is Kim Kibum. Bummie, this is Lee Jinki. And I'm running off to do my best.“

After quickly patting Kibum on the shoulder, he disappeared through the glass door and left the newly introduced friends there, making slight awkward feeling among them.

„Since no one introduced me, I'm Taemin. Lee Taemin,“ saying that, he stepped out and smiled at Kibum, who warmly smiled back.

„So you know Jonghyun?“ Jinki asked, still a bit surprised over that fact. The two of them weren't even from the same city. Suddenly there was a bothering thought of Jonghyun helping out Kibum in the same way and having the same special bond with someone else then him.

„I think I should be the one asking that,“ the questioned one responded in a slighty offensive way, which made Jinki even more unfriendly towards him. Still, he smiled as he explained the occasion he met Jonghyun. Kibum's expression changed back to his warm smile and he turned to Taemin as he asked: „So the two of you are already under the entertainment?“

„Yup. Got in last year. You'll probably know if you got accepted after a week or so.“

After a short while, spent casually talking and Jinki becoming less suspicious over Jonghyun's friend, the auditioners came back. Jonghyun's smile was telling that it went well and like that, he and Kibum exchanged short glances. Kibum slowly extended hand and wanted to touch his boyfriend's back when he got closer, but Jonghyun already stepped out to talk to Jinki.

„I'm not sure if this counts, but let's say that we can properly meet now. I'm positive the results will be good, honestly there weren't many good ones around me.“

„I'd say it does count. Nice to see you again,“ Jinki really meant it when he mouthed those words. They hugged shortly, their smiles deepening. „And this is Lee Taemin, I think you haven't met him yet.“

Like that, the four of them left the campus and headed for the parking lot, where Jonghyun's parents were waiting to pick them up. Just a few steps from the place Kibum turned around to his boyfriend to tear him up with the long lost friend. „I'm glad we've met you and hope we'll see each other around.“

„Oh sure, if it's you, you'll definitely get in!“ the youngest boy shouted enthusiastically.

They waved each other goodbye as the two showed them their backs and walked away. And then Kibum locked fingers with Jonghyun, making him put on a shocked face. But before they got closer and the shorter boy's parents could see anything, he let Jonghyun's hand go again.


	3. Chapter 3

Before the bus stopped at its destination, Kibum shot Jonghyun a dangerously frustrated look. Noticing that, Jonghyun sighed and prepared for the nagging that was obviously to come.

„You're being way too crazed over that Junki boy.“

„It's Jinki,“ clenching his teeth Jonghyun explored the angry boy's frowned eyebrows and pouted lips. Kibum wasn't the type to forget names or anything of that matter, thus being perfectly clear that he's doing it on purpose.

„Whatever, I just don't like him.“

The bus turned around the station, stopped and opened the door. Jonghyun was the first one to get off, his hands deep in pockets he walked along the road. Kibum hesitantly followed him.

„I like the fact you're being jealous for me, but you're overdoing it a bit,“ he said into the space in front of him. The boy tailing behind hissed.

„I'm not being jealous, I'm just being careful.“

„What's the difference?“ Jonghyun stopped, glancing over the shoulder.

„C'mon, you think that someone as handsome as me should be worried about his boyfriend cheating on him? No way you'd have the guts to do that,“ Kibum reasoned, walking past Jonghyun and smirking over at him. Not admitting the gnawing jealous feeling might have been a mistake. But Kibum had his pride and be it the one he loved or not, he wouldn't let anyone ruin it.

The rest of the distance they had to walk to reach the campus was taken over by stubborn silence.

„Jonghyun- _hyung_! Kibum- _hyung_!“ It was the smiley young boy running towards them, hands stretched out as wide as his mouth. „Jinki- _hyung_ 's coming soon to show you around.“

„I'll pass. I can find my own room and that's enough for now,“ saying that, Kibum's slim figure disappeared behind the fence.

„Did something happen? Is he tired from the traveling?“

„Yeah, that's gotta be the reason.“ Jonghyun laughed shortly and rejoiced when the oldest boy showed up.

„Jin-ah, now we're finally standing on one stage.“

„Not quite yet. And I'm actually older you know,“ Jinki objected.

„Oops, my bad. You should do something with your hair, makes you look younger.“

„You don't like it?“

„You look like a teddy bear you know.“

The youngest boy giggled. „Jinki- _hyung_ 's jokes are hard to catch up to but you match with him so well.“

Their looks met and Jinki conjured up one of his charming eyesmiles. „I'll do something about it then.“

„Do me the favour, Mr. Teddy Bear.“

Suddenly being a part of such a big entertainment, even just as a trainee, was like entering a completely different world. A world where there's no parents, instead there's always this feeling that someone's watching you. And it wasn't just Kibum's piercing stares when he was talking with his _hyung_. But those sure were a pain in the ass. And the more he had to endure them, the worse Jonghyun's mood was. At times he'd find himself craving to start blatantly flirting with Jinki just to trigger something. The situation just seemed way too bothersome the way it was.

„Are you enjoying yourself?“ Kibum's sharp eyes were looking straight through his, making him uncomfortable and even more angry.

„Shouldn't I be? We made it this far. And I met a _friend_ I really care about.“ When stressing out that word, Jonghyun ment it to chase away that damn suspiciousness of Kibum's. But hearing his own voice, it sounded more like teasing.

Standing up to top his height, Kibum snapped: „Well that's fine then. At least someone is being happy.“

„It's not my problem if you're being this jealous.“

„I beg your pardon, but look at yourself. You're acting all smiley and cute around him, it's making me want to puke.“ The hauntingly beautiful face got devastated by a disgusted expression.

„Yeah, that's calling friendship, you know,“ Jonghyun uttered, drawing closer to Kibum and lowering down his voice, because people started to look their way.

The younger boy on the other hand didn't bother to be quiet at all. He crossed his arms and opposed him with icy tone: „Friendship my ass. Go tell that your mom.“

„Hey what's your problem?“ Shouting out louder than he intended drew attention of the remaining trainees in the practise room. Practically everyone freezed at the spot and stared at the two of them shooting arrows at each other with their looks. Realizing that and trying to smoothen it was Jonghyun: „Look, stop being so possessive. I still spend a lot of time with you too.“

Repeating his old habit, Kibum pouted his lips and replied loud enough for everyone to hear: „Fuck you Kim Jonghyun. You don't understand me one bit.“ He slowly looked around and literally screamed at the observers: „Mind your own business!“

When he finally showed his back to Jonghyun and walked out of the room, Jinki rested his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. Jonghyun seeked out his look and smiled faintly. He should have felt guilty, but instead the anger was still eating him alive. No matter what the reasons, Kibum was being possessive and selfish.

„Let's go for a walk. They won't scold us for that hopefully.“

Jonghyun just noded. Having walked through the room to grab his jacket, he tried not to meet with anyone's eyes. And when they both quickly rushed through the corridor, he was happy the awkward atmosphere is gone. The wind was already cold as autumn was drawing near. Hands buried deep in pockets, they walked along the paved road and off through the gate. Jinki could feel the annoyance surrounding his friend and he wished to know the way to dispel it and comfort him.

Instead it was the annoyed one to speak first. „I'm sorry you had to hear all that.“

„It's okay, it's my fault anyways.“

Jonghyun blinked and ceased walking. „How come? You haven't done anything.“

„Not yet. But who knows, maybe I'm actually an insane kid who'll murder you in your sleep. Kibum might just have some kind of sixth sense, you know.“

He laughed way too loud. It was as if the louder his voice resounds, the faster he forgets all the bad. Laugh can heal. And if not that, a few drinks definitely could. Despite not being legal yet, Jinki persuaded an older trainee to buy that miraculous medicine for them. It's not like they've never drank before either.

It was already getting dark when they sneaked back into the bulding and found their way to the top of it. The rooftop was a place of a frequent rest, where none of the trainers and managers usually came to. There was a little porch and a few forgotten benches and seats scattered underneath. The trainees called it „café“ whenever they talked about the place, both so that none of the adults know what they mean and both because it somewhat resembled one.

Jinki passed him a bottle of soju and significantly raised an eyebrow. „Just a sip. I don't want to drag you all the way to your bed.“

„Aish, I'm just one year younger, you,“ Jonghyun responded and gulped way more then a sip down his throat. „Aaah, feels good.“ Through the joists above him was a clouded starless sky looking down at him. Few more of Jonghyun's sips and it felt as if it's slowly moving towards him when he focused his vision.

„So you are actually dating Kim Kibum?“ Jinki asked in a by-the-way kind of speech and took the bottle from his mate, but his hands were trembling a bit as he raised it up to meet with his lips.

The younger one turned back to him, smirking a bit. „I know what you must be thinking. And to be honest I'm not really sure if I'm into boys or if it's just him. It's not like I'm not thinking about it often, but emotions always win in the end. You know what I mean, don't you?“

„U-hm,“ was the only valid reply Jinki could think of.

„And you? Are you dating anyone?“

„U-hm.“

„You are? Who? Do I know her?“ Jonghyun's round eyes suddenly opened up as he curiously stared at Jinki, who on the other hand gazed somewhere into the dark.

„Not really, just wish I was. You do know and... well, it's not her.“

Jonghyun's face got covered by utter surprise but soon after he laughed it off. „You're joking, right? Haha, you almost got me this time, Jin-ah.“

„Still not showing any respect for me, you ungrateful _dongsaeng_ ,“ saying that, his voice sounded a bit broken and he wondered if Jonghyun noticed that. But watching the other empty the bottle and drunkenly get up from the table made him believe he most likely didn't.

„ _Hyung_ , help me get down this moving thing. Pretty please.“

„If you're begging that nicely,“ adding a sigh, Jinki put one of the drunken boy's arms around his shoulders and guided him down the stairs. „See, I told ya you shouldn't be drinking. You can't drink at all.“

„Ya! I'm not drunk at all, I'm feeling dizzy from all the bad things that happened today. How can you say I'm drunk, you-“ Jonghyun's foot slipped and his _hyung_ tightened the grip around the waist. „You should be comforting your friend y'know,“ Jonghyun mumbled in addition.

Half-carrying and half-pushing Jonghyun all the way down to the first floor, Jinki couldn't shake those words off his mind. Each floor they passed, he carefully looked through the door if there's no one to see them and everytime he did that, he would have to do his best to concentrate on that task. Fortunately most people used the elevator and so they managed to escape unseen.

Going through the open lot was a bigger problem. It was just the time when students and trainees were strolling through it after they finished dinner, making it impossible for the boys to pass. Jinki dragged the dizzy boy to the closest shelter which was apparently an unused closet as there were lots of spiderwebs and dust everywhere.

„We'll wait here until there's no one outside,“ he informed Jonghyun, who was still holding onto him and trying to look at the older boy's face, which was covered in dark just as the rest of the room.

Waiting there like that, their eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. Jonghyun looked more sober then a few minutes ago, but his eyes were still closing from time to time. And Jinki's self-restraint was being tested. Finally he was driven into something his morals wouldn't normally allow him to do. He wasn't the person to take advantage of someone. He would always respect the others and play a fair game. Or so he believed. However pressing his lips against Jonghyun's slightly opened ones made him shiver down to the spine and completely forget about some morals.

„What are you doing?“ Jonghyun pulled away from him, though he still remained in the same position with his hand around the other boy's shoulders.

„Comforting you, what else?“ Without any more hesitation, Jinki shortened the distance between them again and continued to attack Jonghyun's lips.

It took him a while to realized the one he's taken advantage of is actually kissing him back. Their tongues clashed and Jonghyun's hands curled up around Jinki's neck. They divided just to catch breath and look into each other's eyes.

Moving his hand down around Jinki's waist, Jonghyun stated: „I'm doing this just because I'm too drunk to realize what's actually happening. Just so you know.“

Jinki smirked. „Of course. And I'm just comforting you, like I said.“


	4. Chapter 4

Time can flow extremely slow when you're in a stressful situation. And that Kibum definitely was. Being the confident quick-solving person, this was his first time not knowing what to do. He felt Jonghyun drifting away from him and couldn't find enough strenght to pull him back.

Sitting in the back of a room and watching the trainees sing was the troubled boy. Someone sat down by his side, interrupting his hateful thoughts towards Kim Jonghyun.

„Want a drink, bro?“

Kibum grabbed the offered can and quickly opened it. As he gulped down the ice cold water, something came onto his mind. „Hey Jiho, how about we have a duet later on? I've heard you rapping and you're _pretty_ good.“

Jiho smirked. „Sure. I find you pretty good too.“

After hastily finishing drinking, Kibum abruptely stopped the music player. He cut off the singing trainees like this, resulting in them calling him names.

„Hey it's not your turn yet, Kibum-ah. You're gonna get scolded when instructor's back.“

„You shut up and listen,“ retorting to Jonghyun, he grabbed two mics and passed one to Jiho. The song slowly unfolded and the two of them started off with the chorus.

_I'll never let you go, don't think that you can stray._

Good, Jonghyun was looking at him. Kibum stared him straight into the eyes and emphatized into the line he sang alone in between the chorus.

_Don't think that you got it all._

When he saw his singing partner being completely absorbed into the song, Jiho only hesitantly continued to back him up.

/i>I'll never let you go, don't think that you can stray. You're making a mistake.

At that point, Jonghyun knew where this was all going and he didn't like it at all. But he couldn't shout at Kibum nor could he run away. He didn't want to amuse everyone with any more quarrels between them. It was bad enough already; as if all the kids present perfectly knew all about them.

_It's about time you got tired of it already._

Kibum shortened the distance between them. Jiho was just standing there, letting him have the song for himself already.

_Unsureness, I can't lose you to the dangerous seduction. Quietly, listen to my heart now._

Jiho jumped back in upon the rapping part coming. Kibum though refused to stop singing out the words he meant to say something with. Both of them showed off their perfect English pronunciation.

_What's it gonna be now, even though you played me you're the one that I need now. Why? I don't even know with the things you do to me, I should just let you go away!_

The song finished and they all just stood there. Kibum was staring down Jonghyun with dangerously sharpened eyes, Jiho was glancing alternately at both of them. The world around them seemed to stop, even though the kids listening to their solo already went to mind their business.

„Kibum, I -“ Jonghyun paused, not being able to find a perfect sentence to solve this tension. „We should have a talk, somewhere without people.“

Kibum raised his head and put him in his place. „I'm done talking with you. There's nothing to talk about. Either you stop being a slut or we're finished.“

Jonghyun's eyes widened. „You don't mean that. And I don't get how can _you_ call _me_ a slut.“

Hearing that, Kibum artifically laughed. „Are you suggesting something, Kim Jonghyun?“

„Yeah, I am, _Kim Kibum_. Back then it was you flirting around with classmates. And those weren't even someone you could care about.“

„Then is _he_ someone you care about? Someone you care about more then me?“ His words were sharp as knife, but down within Kibum was trembling.

„You already know I care about him. He's special to me.“ Jonghyun bit his lips as he remembered the kiss with that special someone. He felt guilty as hell, but he would never admit that. It wasn't that he meant to hurt the one he loved, he just wasn't sure about anything anymore. He needed time to think it over. And Kibum wasn't giving him that.

„ _Special_ ,“ Kibum spat out that word in disgust. „Fine then, go to your Mr. Special. It's over between us.“ He turned back on him, not because he'd want to be rude, but because he had a hard time fighting back his tears.

„Fine,“ Jonghyun finished it with that one word. He would love to say more, he would love to fight for the one he's been with all this time. But those words just wouldn't come out. He hesitated. And he knew the reason for this hesitation too well.

Tears kept falling down his face as he emptied the bottle. He might have overdone it a bit, but at least that guilty feeling disappeared for a while. Alone in the _café_ resort on the rooftop, Jonghyun was staring into the night sky. His vision was already blurry. He was drunk like a few days ago. This time however there was no Jinki to hold him all the way to bed. He wasn't there to stop the youngster from drinking too much. He wasn't there when Jonghyun fell down onto the cold concrete ground.

But Jinki wasstill there to notice his friend missing. Jonghyun not being in his room nor anywhere around made him worried. He heard about the quarrel from Jiho, who was after all in the same trainee group with them. At that moment Jinki could not unsee the fact he must be the reason of all this drama.

Not being able to find him anywhere around, he finally decided to go to the rooftop. On the way up, each step he climbed up made him feel more and more uneasy.

The younger boy lied there on his stomach. His body seemed so tiny like this. Jinki's heart skipped a beat. For a second he just freezed on the spot, his mind being blank. Then finally his feet ran towards the unconscious boy.

„Jonghyun-ah! Wake up!“ Shaking his body like crazy, he noticed a bunch of empty bottles around. Tears made their way down his chin. „How could you drink all this alone? Idiot.“

First thing he saw after opening his eyes was a dazzlingly white ceiling. Turning his head from left to right, he found out it's a hospital. And on the right there was a short haired boy, seated next to him and leaning towards the wall. While sleeping, Jinki was still holding onto Jonghyun's hand.

And at that moment Jonghyun's heart commanded him to squeeze back the warm hand protecting him and lean forward to kiss the sleeping beauty.

„Thank you for being here for me,“ he whispered as Jinki slowly opened his eyes and smiled.

„I'm just repaying you. You were the one who was there for me in the first place.“

Jonghyun mirrored his saviour's smile, his face still being as close as it could without the two of them actually touching. But his happiness suddenly came to a halt when he realized the occasion on which he was brought to the hospital.

„But I'm in a real trouble now, ain't I?“ Jonghyun paused to feel the anxiousness eating him up. „And being in this sort of trouble means... the end.“

„Oh come on, you won't die from this. Sure you are weak in handling alcohol, but it's not that terrible, trust me.“

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow while holding back laugh. It didn't make him forget the seriousness though. „I mean the end within the company. And probably whole entertainment area as well, I bet I'll have that in records for the rest of my life.“ He gulped down painfully and sighed.

„I don't think so. At least for the first part.“ Seeing Jonghyun's utterly surprised expression, Jinki continued: „When I called the ambulance, I told them an adress across the street and carried you there. No one in the entertainment knows.“

Jonghyun looked into the older one's half-closed eyes as he was smiling sincerely at him. Sudden warmness enclosed his heart, making it flutter in an indescribable gratitude.

„Oh but you do have one trouble to face. Your parents were called, so you'll probably hear some preaching. As for the record problem... although I'm not absolutely sceptical about breaking into police station and creating you a false one -“

Impolitely cutting the older one off in the middle and wrapping up hands around his shoulder was the patient. Jinki insecurely stroke the other one's back while resting his face on Jonghyun's shoulder. The two of them stayed like that for a while, saying nothing. Then it was Jonghyun who pulled away slightly, just for them to look into each other's eyes.

„Thank you.“

„Like I said, I'm just repaying you,“ Jinki objected, feeling somewhat embarassed.

„No way, this is already a new debt from my side.“

„What new debt, I was paying with interest. Did you count how many months passed?“

„If so then you haven't paid away all the interest yet.“

Jinki's eyebrows rose up in confusion. „Aren't you being a bit too greedy? What more do you want me to do?“

Jonghyun's eyes lightened up and a smirk played upon his lips. „Kiss me. Like back then.“

It was the first time they spoke about the incident Jinki felt guilty about so much. Even now, a moment of hesitation came before another uncontrollable desire to explore the younger boy's mouth with his tongue. „I shouldn't have done that. You have Kim Kibum and I shouldn't have-“

Yet again, his words got interrupted. „Look around. He's not here. You are.“ It was more then just suggesting they're okay to cheat on the poor boy just because he's not here. They both understood. It was Jonghyun who meant so much to the young and desperate Lee Jinki who thought about giving up. And it was Jinki who meant so much to Kim Jonghyun, who might have been fired from where he tried so hard to get into.

Both of them letting their passion run wild, their tongues clashed and separated again to breathe in the suddenly hot air around them. Jonghyun still having his hands tightly around the other boy's body, tracing down his back. He let Jinki softly kiss his neck and ear, until the older boy lifted his head and looked deep into his eyes.

„I'll always be here to catch you when you fall.“


	5. Chapter 5

The young one came greeting them with smile stretched from one side of his face to the other, just like every time. He was the only one though.

„Welcome back, Jonghyunie- _hyung_! How is your family?“

„Everyone's just fine,“ Jonghyun replied with a faint smile and quickly exchanged looks with Jinki.

It was hard from the beginning already. Before he left hospital, Jonghyun pledged to himself that he'll lock all of the guilty feelings deep inside. But he wasn't a good liar. Nor was his partner in crime. As soon as Taemin asked about his parents, whom he supposedly went to visit, an image of a recent scenes came to his mind. He shook them off, saying to himself that he did see his parents after all. In a slightly less pleasant way, though.

„You came back just in time. There was a meeting this morning and I've heard we're called to the office later. There might be good news!“ informing them while merrily almost jumping as he walked, was Taemin.

Good news. Jinki let out a little sigh. It might have been good indeed, but if they were to tell them they are to start preparing for debut as a band now, it was more like a highway to hell. There were ten people in total in their temporary practise group. Jinki was the oldest among them and knew their abilities well. Given that, he knew that if a part of their group is to debut, that part would definitely contain him, Taemin, Jonghyun, Jiho and Kibum.

„Thanks god I didn't stay a day longer then!“ Jonghyun expressed, with a false grin playing upon his lips. In the corner of his vision, he noticed Jinki's worried face and his own expression darkened.

„But you don't look that good, _hyung_.“ Taemin looked overly worried, looking straight into his tired eyes.

„I might have caught a cold on the way. But I'll be okay.“

At that moment, he wished it could be like that. A cold that will be healed in a few days and everything will start anew. But he didn't have enough strenght to fight this disease and had no working cure for it either.

„I'll see you later then!“ The youngest danced away while playfully waving them goodbye.

Now it was Jonghyun who let out a sigh. „This can't work.“

„You suck at lying, but Taemin isn't someone who'd be suspicious of his friends. The rest will be harder. We've already seen some looks back there.“

„Not this. I'm not worried about our lie being blown up. I'm more worried about Kibum.“ It was the first time Jonghyun voiced out his fears. The constant worry of the mentioned one going berserk and doing something all of them would regret later. Although they broke up, Jonghyun could never be sure if Kibum meant what he said.

Jinki sighed. Maybe doing so will lighten the burden that's been thrown onto him. Unfortunately it didn't.

 

In two years approximately. The ones Jinki had in mind plus a new trainee who was taken from a different group. Upon hearing that they will debut as a band, Taemin expressed his enthusiasm with hugging all of them one by one. Jiho's and Choi Minho's smile were honest. Jinki went on to happily greet the person he has heard so much about before.

„It's a pity we didn't meet earlier for you to beat some sense into me.“

„My brother said that?“ Minho's round eyes opened up in surprise. „Well there's still a chance for me to do so.“ They both laughed with Taemin and Jiho accompanying them.

As Jonghyun expected, Kibum was glaring at him with those sharp eyes of his. First he thought about innocently joining in the circle that the rest of them made. But anger started to take over him. He swiftly turned to face the coldly staring Kibum. „Aren't you happy?“

Kibum smirked and smiled fakely. „Yes of course, I'm extremely happy to be in a band with such jerks as you two.“

„So you'll continue being a jerk too so that we all fit together or what?“ Jonghyun was losing his temper. Unable to solve the situation, he stopped thinking and just blurted out what was on his mind all this time.

Taemin was saying something cheerfully, waving his hands and everyone's eyes were concentrated on him.

„I'm just being honest,“ Kibum retorted, crossing arms.

„Fine. Let me be honest too then. I don't want you to ruin everything just because things didn't go your way.“

„And I won't let some fucking Lee Jinki ruin my life. It's all his fault that you're like this,“ raising his voice, Kibum dragged attention to himself. Upon that Jinki painfully looked at the arguing duo.

„Don't go accusing Jinki. You can call me whatever you want, but not him.“

Taemin stepped out, trying to quieten the situation, but was pushed away by Minho. He shook his head to signify it's better not to interfere.

„I can accuse him all I want. I used to be your boyfriend, do you remember? He stole you,“ Kibum argumented.

„No he didn't.“ Jonghyun tried to calm down, but he couldn't hold the words anymore. „Fuck Kibum, I was in a hospital. Did you know? Did you come to visit me? No. And do you know why? Because it was Jinki who took care of me, it was him who actually cared enough to notice something happened.“

Kibum was caught taken by surprise. A short silence broke the fierce battle. Jonghyun's face reflecting harm and Kibum's all sort of mixed feelings.

It felt as if he was invisible. Jinki watched them talking about him as if he wasn't even there. And he couldn't help but feel like it would have been better if he wasn't there to begin with. He just appeared in their life and ruined it. Tears started to form in his eyes. He could feel someone's hand grasping his shoulder tightly.

„It's all my fault.“ Both Kibum and Jonghyun turned to him, the latter showing a sudden shocked face. „Kibum, I'm sorry. I've done something I shouldn't have. If it was possible I'd disappear from your life, but it looks like we'll continue seeing each other even if we don't wish for it.“ Jinki clenched his hands in fists. „All I can do is promise you to never do such a mistake again.“

„You think I'll believe that?“ Kibum shouted, anger in his eyes. „And even if, do you think I care? Jonghyun won't come back to me anyway.“

The mentioned one snapped back at him: „What do you want then, Kibum?! Do you just enjoy ruining everything?“

Sharpness changed into sadness for a moment before Kibum turned his back on them and wallked away. „I just want you to leave me alone.“

„Leave me alone first then, dumbass,“ Jonghyun said to his receding figure.

Before anyone could say something out into the awkward silence, Jinki ran out of the room. Jonghyun clenched his teeth and followed him all the way to the boy's room. The door almost got closed right in front of him, but he stopped it with his foot.

„Go away, Jonghyun.“ Jinki's voice sounded unusually cold.

„Let me in.“

„I promised I'll leave you alone. I promised, so go away please.“ Although he wanted to sound resolute, his voice cracked and his shoulders shook. He lessened the pressure he was putting in to hold the door and Jonghyun used that moment to sneak in. He grabbed Jinki's arm, turned him around in one go and embraced his shaking body. The boy in his arms started sobbing, face buried deep in his shirt.

„It's okay.“ Jonghyun stroked his short spiky hair in a calming way, his own eyes filling up with tears. „You're not the one in fault, Jin-ah. Because it's me who loves you.“

Jinki's sobs ceased as he bit his lips. He took a few breaths and then raised his head. „I could say the same. It's my fault, because I love you too.“

It was the first time they voiced out their feelings in those three words. It ought to be a happy moment when butterflies would fill their stomachs. Instead, they both shared a painfully smiling expression, their cheeks still wet from crying. Not knowing what to say, Jonghyun just stretched out a bit to kiss Jinki's forehead and stroke his hair again.

Being too tired to stand, Jonghyun collapsed onto the bed, still holding onto Jinki's hand. The older boy gave in to his grip and they laid there, side by side, hands intertwined. Jonghyun drew closer so that he could trace down the body lying next to him, up from the neck down to hips. Jinki twitched a bit, but his resolution to stop doing mistakes was all taken away with the words they exchanged a while ago.

They needed each other to feel safe. Their kisses weren't passionate nor hasty like back then, but desperate and slow. And soothing. At some point tears made their way through Jinki's face again, down to Jonghyun's lips. In response, Jonghyun parted their kiss and brought his body closer to the crying boy, letting him bury his head under his chin. Sheltering each other like this, they fell asleep.

 

Whole night passed like that and when Jonhyun finally opened his eyes into the already bright sunlight, there was a missing spot on the bed. Being the sleepyhead Jinki was, this made the younger one frown in worry. Nevertheless he assumed something urgent came up and his friend didn't want to wake him up. Nodding to this believe of his, Jonghyun stretched out and yawned. He still felt tired from all the tension yesterday, but a bit more refreshed.

It didn't take a long time for his eyes to find that paper torn out of a sketchbook, neatly put on the chair which had his shoes underneath. Sudden shiver ran over his body. It could have been a cute message of apologies that Jinki had to run off early. It could have been some random joke that will make him smile and scribble something in reply. But just as there weren't candles and roses when they confessed love to each other, this wasn't a love letter either.

_I'm sorry._

Just that. Jonghyun's hands trembled as he turned the paper around.

_Jonghyunie, you will shine just as well without me. I meant what I promised yesterday, even if I was shaken for a moment. I've never been good with writing letters... When we meet, let us be strangers admiring each others' singing abilities again._

First he crumpled up the scrap in anger. Sitting down, Jonghyun felt the world sitting down with him, right onto his shoulders. And no matter how much he tried to find a solution, he failed miserably. Jinki was right. The awful love triangle would make their to-be-band shaky from the beginning. Kibum would continue on hating both of them and well, he couldn't really blame him for that. They say time heals. Maybe that's what the always so impatient Jonghyun has to do in the end. Wait.

Unscrambling the paper again, Jonghyun resolutely grabbed a pen out of Jinki's pencil case.

_Let us be strangers that secretly love each other and would wait forever for the other one, but they never say that out._


	6. Chapter 6

“Let's go for the roller-coaster!” Unwillingly followed by Jinki whose hand he held tight, Taemin almost ran through the crowded alleys. They passed few stalls selling sweets and trinkets and then the younger one stopped by them all of a sudden. After seeing Jinki's raised eyebrows, he explained: “We're gonna buy you a cotton candy. That should fix that awfully unhappy face of yours.”

Along with a small sigh, Jinki showed an unsatisfying smile. Nibbling at the sweet cotton, they headed for the attraction Taemin suggested. The cheerful boy was doing the talk, waving his hands so fiercely he almost took Jinki's cotton candy down. It was one of those mostly treasured days off that they could afford as trainees preparing for debut. And the kind-hearted Lee Taemin decided to use this precious day to cheer up this sorrowful fella.

“Thank you.” Jinki ruffled the boy's mushroom-styled hair. “I'm feeling all better now.”

Taemin shot him a mistrustful glance. “Really? I'm not finished with your healing though.”

“Healing you say?” An amused smile played upon his lips. Although he couldn't say a word against such a medicine, to heal a broken heart would take more then just a cotton candy and a roller-coaster ride. If such a ride wouldn't rather shake his heart out of the body completely, that is.

Their breaths still unstable from all the screaming, the two of them rested while overlooking the large view a Ferris wheel offered. Sky was already soaked dark red, city lights flickering underneath. At this sight Jinki had to admit Taemin's healing deserved a praise.

“You're not coming back, are you?” The always so bright face was drowned with sadness. Taemin wasn't looking at him, instead he nervously watched his hands interweaving with each other. “When our debut was announced, I was happy it could be all of us together. All this time I thought how wonderful it would be if I get to be in a band with friends instead of just strangers.”

“Me too.” Jinki stared into the approaching crowd of people beneath them. The wheel passed them by and worked its way up again. “Both you and Jonghyun, I wanted to be a part of a band with you. But I messed up.”

“I don't know what exactly happened, but to me it didn't look like a person messing up. It looked like a person giving up on something that's precious to them.”

For that short moment when the wheel stops at the highest spot, Jinki's eyes got wet and he had to shake his head to chase them away. To those around him, Taemin was a cheerful, easy-going and maybe even naïve kid. Even someone as close to him as Jinki would believe so from time to time and forget what this person mostly was. A sensitive, understanding and caring friend.

“I loved him. Kim Jonghyun.” It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, saying it out like this. Jinki didn't look at the younger one's face as he spoke. He didn't want to know if what he just said shocked him or not. He didn't want to know if anyone observing them knew of this fact. Once again the wheel started moving and the shining city drawing near. “But there was Kibum. I didn't want to do something like steal Jonghyun from him. I didn't want to, but I did. And that's why I messed up.”

A conductor opened the cab's gate for them. Jinki was the first one to get off, with Taemin rushing to grab his arm.

“Do you remember how you couldn't go to the school festival because you were failing Math and I went to persuade your parents? I'll come up with some solution. Just cheer up and wait, okay?”

Whether it was the fact Taemin kind of reminded him of Jonghyun with those words or that he desperately needed to keep faith in a happy ending, Jinki believed him.

 

Kibum uttered a curse. Blood surfaced through the tiny cut on his index finger. “You're distracting me, Taemin.”

The accused turned around in puzzlement. “I'm just sitting here, you know.”

“That's it. You're sitting there and distracting me by doing so.” Making an annoyed face, Kibum set the chopped vegetables aside and went to bandage his wound. “Why am I making food for you in the first place?”

“Because you couldn't watch me chop it all wrong, remember?” Kibum's eyes didn't look as sharp as usual today, provided what Taemin observed. Now might be the right time to start. A bit worried not to stir anything up, but also wanting to do something, Taemin finally stood up.

While helping Kibum put a band-aid over the neatly cut skin, the younger one was building up courage. He didn't know his _hyung_ well enough to predict how is he going to react. During the recent days all five of them spent their time focused in silence. There was practice and that was it. Even the usually talkative Taemin didn't have anything to say. More then anything in the world, he didn't wish to confine himself in this prison.

“ _Hyung_.”

Kibum dedicated him a look with curiously lifted head.

“I know I don't have any right to talk into these matters, but-”

“Exactly, you don't. What happened can't be taken back anyway. So please don't.” Sharpness returned into Kibum's eyes, which were no longer looking at Taemin.

He stood up as soon as Kibum did. “It can't be taken back, that's true. We can't change the past, but we can change the future.” Never before has Taemin been this serious in his life. Most of the time he'd be a cheerful and caring boy enjoying time spent with his friends. Now he was about to lose one of those friends. Or maybe even all of them seeing the awkward relationships that arose after Jinki asked to be put back to regular trainees.

Kibum just stood there, waiting. One part of him wanted to continue being as cold as usual, brush off the conversation. The other part saw resolution and genuineness in the boy standing there.

“Jinki is not a bad person. Neither is Jonghyun nor you. Whoever is to blame I don't know, but I don't think it matters that much. If you could forgive each other, all of us will feel better.” Taemin wasn't sure if all that his heart was filled with came out in those words.

Invisible clock ticked somewhere, counting the eternity before Kibum reacted. First, he let out a little sigh, fixing his eyes onto the floor. “It's not as easy as you think,” was all he could say at that moment.

Upon that Taemin gently smiled at Kibum who tried to mirror that expression, but failed. Instead, tears broke down his smile. Kim Kibum had his own pride and it was dangerously trampled upon by the recent stir of events. It wasn't that he wanted to continue creating more troubles, he just didn't know how to let go. Such a thing wasn't taught at school nor passed down by your parents. All he's heard about was how you should cherish the one you love. They forgot to include advice about how to let go of someone you can't have anymore without hurting others in the process.

“I'm stupid, aren't I?”

Taemin firmly shook his head, making Kibum's lips form a smile. “I am. Because someone ruined my life I'm repeating the same thing to you guys.”

“It's not your fault,” Taemin responded finely.

“Of course it's not my fault. Am I saying that?”

 

The younger one smirked, parted lips showing snow white teeth. It was hard not to laugh upon this confidence of Kibum's, the one that was symbolizing he is back to his normal again. As if to confirm that, the boy grabbed a tissue and wiped away the tears resolutely.

All he could feel was emptiness. No matter how long Jonghyun thought about it, he couldn't feel angry nor sad anymore. There were just way too many emotions piling up inside of him and he ended up throwing them all away at once. Someone got hurt because of him. Someone had to leave his side even though he would have liked to stay. One of his biggest dreams was coming true but he wasn't happy. In the end there was just that uncertain emptiness; a feeling that something important has gone missing. It could have been his own heart, who knows.

Lately he's been spacing out too much. If it wasn't for his teammates who were willing to break into his bubble barrier, he would probably forget to eat and function properly. Tiring vocal and dance lessons weren't really helping either. All of them were weary, stressed and under terrible pressure. Among that all there was still Taemin's bright and honest smile, though. Many times has Jonghyun wondered how does the kid do that. He could totally lighten up a cloudy day, like sunshine.

“Jiho, you're half a step late. Jonghyun, concentrate man! Kibum, you're breaking a formation during the middle part. Start over again.” The new manager that was appointed to them after the debut date was announced was always straight to the point and strict. It was good for their improvement, but listening to his cold notes became irritating after a few hours of hard training. There wasn't a single try when he wouldn't find a smallest mistake to reproach with. It was just a question of time before something like “Minho, you're too tall to fit in with others; Taemin, your breathing is too loud” would come out.

They secretly exchanged annoyed expressions before giving it their all once again. Before music started playing again, door opened and all present in the room stared at the person standing there.

“Great, we finally have our last member back,” manager stated, standing up to pat the newcomer on shoulders. “Didn't I tell you he's coming back again?”

He could've guessed the answer from the surprised faces his trainees were giving him. The only one who didn't look as astonished was Kibum. And it was precisely him who Jinki was looking at, softly smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

Kibum made his twentieth spin around the room and looked out of the window for the same amount of times. Still not a trace of anyone coming inside of the building. He was running out of patience, thinking about retreating before it's too late again. He was more nervous then back at the auditions. Rather, he wasn't nervous at the auditions at all. Because he knew he was good and he had Jonghyun by his side. Now he was alone, not having anyone to cheer him up if something goes wrong. And that's what made him nervous the most. Although apparently confident, even Kibum needed someone to rely on.

During another of his rounds through Jinki's room, he finally saw the rightful resident entering the dorms. He stopped, facing the door and counting until it opened.

Jinki looked tired and he might have shown a bit of a surprise, but it didn't change his expression much. “Can I help you somehow?” The question sounded overly formal and rather cold. It made Kibum shiver a bit and wish for the cheerful and joking Jinki he used to hate so much to appear.

“I'm sorry.” It took a bit of courage, more determination and a huge amount of conscience to say these words. Prior to the never-ending spins through the room while waiting for Jinki, he thought a lot about it back in his own room. Despite knowing he's not the one who made a mistake, Kibum felt guilty. Jinki already made an admirable step to atone for his sins. Now it was his turn.

“I thought that solving this situation will require lots of talking and explaining.” Scribbling it down onto his notebook, Kibum created so many versions of his speech to Jinki but eventually he just wanted to say one thing only. “But in the end I have nothing to say to you nor do I want to hear anything from you. All I want is start anew.”

Jinki took a deep breath before responding. “So you're actually asking me to come back to your team?”

“Yes,” Kibum paused and then quickly added, “please.” It wasn't as sincere as Taemin would probably voice it, but he felt the pressure on his chest disappearing after saying it out. That old confident him was back; Kibum finally felt this is what he wants. At first he was sure what Taemin wished for won't happen. He was certain that having Jinki back and having to spend so much time with him in the future definitely isn't his dream. He mostly wasn't keen on the thought of seeing his face every day and remembering the bad times. But if that was the case, it should have been Kibum who left the team.

“I shouldn't. We'll keep on hurting each other and that will keep us from being the best.”

“It happened already. We've hurt each other and it will be the same even if you're not there. And the fact is that what might keep us from being the best is not having your voice among us.” Although not the main one, this was one of the reasons why Kibum eventually changed his mind.

Jinki's cold expression brightened up with a smile. “You have Jonghyun. He could pull the whole band himself.”

“Not when he's feeling down because he lost a friend,” reasoning that, Kibum felt a bit awkward about intentionally cutting out all love troubles they went through and talking just about a _friend._

Jinki didn't seem to mind though. It was him who begged Jonghyun to pretend not to know each other to begin with. He realized something that Kibum came to understand now as well. All of them are living out their dreams right now. Dreams that kept them aiming for the top ever since they were kids. They were sharing those dreams. And so they didn't have to share anything else; friendship or love. The dreams were strong enough to glue them together and keep them strong.

No matter how cold that seemed, they realized that something like love troubles shouldn't destroy their dreams or break the bond those dreams created among them.

 

It took a few months for this day to come. But now Jinki was standing in their practice room again, smiling at Kibum. It felt like they had some kind of secret agreement.

“So Jinki is really going to debut with us?” Taemin's lips were stretched out as wide as possible again. He hurried to hug Jinki, followed by the rest of the members who came to cheerfully greet him too. There will probably be curious questions and some explaining ahead of them, but for now Jinki was glad to be back. After exchanging a few words with Minho and patting Jiho's shoulder, his eyes met with Jonghyun's. The two of them haven't seen each other properly since the time they slept in Jinki's room together. They were still in the same building all this time, but it seemed like an ocean was spreading in between them. Now they were standing in front of each other, but still overlooking the huge distance.

“All right, back to work boys. Jinki, you just watch and join in later. So much to work on in this team.”

It was a bit awkward, but overall happy feeling. Jinki watched them dance, trying to remember the steps as fast as possible. He kept on failing for the first few tries and manager didn't go easy on him. Sweating and exhausting himself to the point he felt breathless actually felt good. Here they were, dancing together and sharing the dream of being famous one day. Whatever else didn't matter.

“You have a fifteen minutes break. I'll come back then,” announcing that manager left them completely drained laying or sitting on the floor.

The only one who didn't collapse and instead went to turn on the music was Jonghyun.

“We have a break, Jonghyun, a break. Do you even know what does that mean?” Jiho pierced him with a tiredly annoying gaze.

“Yup. It's a time to get to know each other and deepen our friendship as a team,” the questioned one responded happily.

“What's that? It's just a time to fucking sleep, dude.”

“You can do that after the practice. Now listen to this.” Jonghyun exchanged the CD in the player for his own. “It's just to express feelings that can't be said well.” He glanced at Kibum first, then at Jinki and finally pressed the play button.

Upon hearing the piano beginning, Kibum snorted. “Oh no, not Fly to the Sky again.”

“Don't worry. I have a better choice of songs then you,” Jonghyun objected, making Kibum pout his lips but smile in the end.

_We're going to the same place. We too, at first, were just passing people._

Kibum's smile widened when Jonghyun sang out the first line. He had to admit that this idea and choice were the best Jonghyun has ever had in his entire life. He would find himself lip-syncing the words, feeling their meaning and how much they are suitable right now.

“Geez, what's with you saying out everything with a song,” Jiho sighed, but he didn't go to sleep as he said. Instead he listened, fingers tapping to the rhythm.

_But now we give each other strength. At this moment I'm so happy._

That was Jinki joining in, creating the harmony between their voices. They stared at each other for a while, just for a really short while. And during that instant they were those boys realizing how nice their voices sound together once again.

_Although there were many hard days when I was so lonely and when I thought it was too heard to bare, the thing that made me realize, was that you were there._

They were there for each other no matter how much they might dislike themselves thanks to the discords among them.

_And that we were one._

Taemin joined in, bringing in a higher note. A few seconds ago they felt like dying of exhaustion right here. Now there was a new strength making them keep holding on.

All the many sufferings and sweat that we shed during that time, forget all of the pain. From now on the trails and suffering that I'll have to face, because I have you, I can win over it all.

When the repeated part came, five voices joined in. Five voices and Jiho unintentionally lip-syncing as well. It didn't sound like a stage performance since all of them were tired and their voices cracked at times. But there was sincerity in it. It was more like a sang confession to each other.

_Always our promises will be forever. Let's hold hands again and stand up._

Taemin stepped in, raising hands and intertwining them with Minho and Jonghyun who were closest to him.

_Because I have you all I can protect them. Until the days are old and hard, we're going to achieve our never-ending dream._

Kibum forced Jiho to get up, Jonghyun holding him from the other side. Jinki squeezed in between Minho and Kibum, putting arms around their shoulders, eyes getting teary. The invisible bonds made possible thanks to their wish for the same dream were reflected in the circle they made. Being connected like this gave them strength. Holding each other tight and singing out the lyrics, they knew they'll fly high together.

_To us, beautiful days will be forever._


End file.
